The Twelfth Doctor
by Iheartsocks
Summary: When the Doctor regenerates into the twelfth incarnation, something odd has happened, and the Doctor must learn to live with new body. First story.
1. Chapter 1

Her Doctor was dying. Oh sure, he wouldn't really die, instead he would regenerate and become new again. River wanted to cry as she drug the lifeless limp body of her Doctor back onto the TARDIS. He would start regenerating at any moment and she wasn't sure if her body could withstand it.

He had died attempting to get her out of the library. He had succeeded, barely, but that was a story for another day. Today's story is about River and the 12th Doctor. A Doctor unlike any before.

River laid the Doctor carefully on the floor and went to stand in a corner of the console room, as far away from as she could, but still within viewing distance. Ready to pounce the moment he should need her. She was frightened. She had a unique fondness for the 10th Doctor with his crooked smile and his deep soulful eyes. She loved the 11th Doctor with his young face and sad eyes. What would she feel for the 12th Doctor?

He would have a new face, new hair, new voice. He would walk differently, talk differently, and most likely dress differently. Yes, he would still be the man she married, but in some ways he would not be.

River jumped as the first signs of regeneration began to show. It was happening. There was nothing she could do to stop it and a little part of her heart broke as she watched her husband die, to be replaced with a new man. The light coming off of him was so bright and hot that she had been forced to duck into a nearby corridor until it was finished.

Once it was done, at least for the time being, River stuck her head back in and peeked up at the Doctor. Her mouth dropped open as she looked upon..."It couldn't possibly..." She crept slowly towards the Doctor. Quite a bit shorter and thinner too. The face looked about mid thirties, and the skin tone was darker, with freckles. The ginger hair the Doctor had always lamented about not getting was there in curls. Not the bright red of her mother's hair, but a deep reddish brown. None of this was very shocking to River, the Doctor wouldn't mind any of those changes much either. However, there was one big difference she was sure the Doctor would mind.

The Doctor was a woman.

Could this even be real? Was it possible for the Doctor to regenerate into a woman? The Doctor had told her once it was possible to regenerate into the opposite gender but it was so very rare. They had no explanation for why it even happened.

Suddenly the Doctor took a big gulp of air and sat straight up, the curls flying in her face. The Doctor's eyes grew wide as she took in the long red curls surrounding her head. She began playing with the hair until she noticed her hands. Slim and long, they looked nothing like the Doctor's large mannish hands from before.

River watched the Doctor close her eyes tightly and bring her hands to her chest. She gasped loudly and looked down. Two breasts, not particularly large, but not particularly small either. They weren't something you were going to be able to hide on a body so slim.

She grimaced at her chest and started looking around the room until her eyes landed on River. River was crouched down in front of her trying to figure out what to say or think. River saw so many thoughts and emotions travel over the Doctor's features before she schooled them into a blank look.

"River...silly question, am I a woman?" The low alto voice wasn't exactly expected, but not bad.

"Yes Doctor, you are a woman." River continued to stare wide eyed with no thoughts of moving either one of them. The Doctor started to attempt to get off the ground, causing River to be shaken out of her deep thoughts. She immediately went to the Doctor's side to help her up. "I'm taking you to our room. You need to rest and finish your regeneration."

"River, I..."

"Don't talk now Sweetie, we'll get you settled in and you can gain your strength back in peace."

River placed the Doctor in bed just as the regeneration had started up again and she had been forced to leave the room. The TARDIS would tell her if the Doctor needed her. She leaned her forehead against the cool metal door in front of her and took a deep breath. She sunk down on to the floor opposite the door and contemplated what all of this would mean.

Would the Doctor be able to handle being a woman, and even if she couldn't, what choice did she have? Would River still be able to love the Doctor? Oh sure, River didn't really care what gender her lovers were, but the Doctor was different. He was who she was in love with, he had always been a man.

She worried her bottom lip and listened intently for any sounds to come from the room across from her as she contemplated her new husband/wife. This new body of River's wasn't exactly ready for all this hard work yet either. River slowly fell into a light slumber with dreams of two Doctor's dancing in her head, the last thought she had before she fell to sleep was a bitter, "At least I look the same".

The Doctor laid in bed having just woke from the last regeneration spell. It was almost over, she was getting stronger. Her inner monologue started running as she tried to understand herself. "I am a woman now. A complete check of my body has confirmed that what is on my chest and between my legs is all woman. Am I okay with that? I suppose I have no choice but to be okay with that.

"But do I even feel like a woman? What does a woman feel like? I suppose she would feel at home in her body. I definitely don't feel that, but I never do this early after. It usually takes a good adventure for me to get used to it. Maybe that's what we should do, go on an adventure. Just River and I.

"River..." The Doctor's thoughts stumbled when she reached River. She stood up and began pacing the room, asking no one in particular, "what do I feel for her? I feel the same really as I did yesterday. In love, like I just want my wife back. Will she feel the same for me? Oh god, what if I am still a man in here and I fall in love with my body, oh dear lord." The Doctor jumped into action stripping off all of the clothes hanging loosely from her body and stood in front of a mirror with a look of horror on her face.

"No, I feel like I am looking at my naked body, no weird feelings." In her closet though she found only clothes from her last life. Tweed and bow ties and suspenders. A few suspect fezzes that River hadn't found yet.

She turned from her closet and looked around. "What do I wear now? What's even cool for women to wear? I don't suppose I could slap on a bow tie and fez and call it good. I wonder if River would find it good?" The Doctor scoffed at herself and began the process of attempting to convince herself that River wouldn't love her as a woman. It would make the rejection much easier to deal with.

The TARDIS hummed sending her a message. She heard it loud and clear and re-opened her closet, inside was a multitude of different outfits and accessories. She began pulling out the choices that caught her eye first and throwing them on the bed. She would have to do a fashion show.

At first she sneered at the thought, but then realized that it actually sounded like a pretty cool time. The Doctor shrugged as she headed towards the pile, "Women".

She threw each outfit back into the closet as soon as she got them on. Too much like Rose, Martha, Donna, Amy. That last outfit brought her up short. "Oh Amelia Pond, I could so use your advice right now. I'm sure your daughter would like some too." Off the outfit came and she crammed on the last one. Sexy, but workable. Tan capri trousers, tight to the legs, with a belt to hold the trousers in place. Flat sneakers and a vest in place of a shirt. A soft cloth jacket thrown over, because jackets and vests are cool. For now she would let her long red curls hang loose, she liked them. Wild and big like River's were.

She smirked at herself in the mirror, feeling that old confidence creep in. "Not only am a cool, but I am sexy. I believe its time to find my wife." She pocketed the sonic screw driver and the psychic paper and turned to the door.

She had a brief moment of panic wondering if River would still care for her, the way she always had, but she shook it off. She knew what she had to do.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N:This chapter was exceedingly difficult. The Doctor and River have a very awkward conversation, and I'm not really sure that I got their voices right. I apologize if it doesn't sound right. I know where the story is going and this chapter was a must to take it there, but it just wouldn't flow. Stick with me, it gets better. At least, that's what my better half says.

River slowly came to, stiff on the floor of the TARDIS. The bedroom door across from her was still shut. She stood and put an ear to the door, straining to hear any sound. A soft humming from the TARDIS told her that everything was alright with the Doctor.

She wasn't ready to go in yet, to face the Doctor. She turned and headed back towards the console room. Hoping to find answers there. To know what to do.

She stared into the time rotor in the middle of the console, trying to see all the answers to all the questions. Her love for the Doctor could never end. It was forever. She had no doubts about that. It wasn't her feelings for the Doctor on a basic level that worried her. It was more carnal and a more intimate level she worried over.

The TARDIS revealed no answers as she stared down the time rotor. There was only silence. There was something about the Doctor she couldn't put her finger on. Something she was feeling, something...she had no idea what it was. She stared so hard at the time rotor she didn't hear the Doctor enter behind her.

"River."

River whirled around, eyes big, as she took in the Doctor. "What sort of time do you call this?" River joked, hoping to lighten the suddenly heavy mood. The Doctor was having none of it. She was across the room in moments. The Doctor placed both of her hands on River's face and pulled her down into a long deep kiss.

The kiss seemed to go on forever, yet it was over too soon. The Doctor poured every emotion, every thought, every feeling she had for River into that kiss. River returned her kiss, but it was different. River was given to passionate kisses, full of life and feeling. This one fell flat.

The Doctor backed away from River, panting slightly from everything she put in the kiss, and studied her intently. River squirmed under her gaze, knowing the Doctor felt the difference in the kiss. Knowing the Doctor would have questions. Questions she wasn't sure if she could answer.

They stared into each others eyes. Both unsure of what to say, what to do. Where do you start in a situation such as this?

"River, what are you thinking right now?"

River let one tear fall down her cheek as she searched her mind for the right answer. "I don't know, truly. Too much, not enough, all the wrong things." River started getting some speed at this point, her desperation showing, "Do I still love you? Of course I do, but how? I don't know if I can be with you like this. A woman, Doctor? How do I? It's...too much, the change is more than I can handle. I thought I would live out a life created by a computer for eternity. I thought I would never see you again. Then the instant I see your face it changes. It changes into something I don't recognize. How do I adapt?"

River was pacing now, her hands flying, trying to stress her points. The tears flowing freely as her words got harder and harder to understand. "I was finally content, I had finally accepted my fate of living in that computer. Then here you come to save the day, I finally got you back, just what I wanted, and then this? I don't know if I can do this with you Doctor. I mean, sure, I've been with women before. I know what I'm doing, its just, its you. You aren't just some woman, you are the Doctor. You are all man, you are my husband."

River sank to the floor of the room and buried her head in her hands. She knew her point would come across all wrong. She needed the Doctor to understand, but she didn't know how to explain. To be honest the Doctor didn't know what to say to her, she simply walked over and pulled River into a hug and stroked her back softly. A few stray tears leaked out of her eyes without permission. She tried to hold them back, to be strong for River, but those female hormones made it impossible not to cry at least a little.

Eventually River stopped crying and they sat there on the floor, not touching, but facing each other. Each trying to figure out what to say next.

The Doctor decided if they were going to figure this thing out, she would need to take charge. "So you love me my River, but you are unsure of feelings that wold make us more than friends, is that what I am hearing from you."

River gulped, unsure of where this was going and shook her head yes.

"Then we should start again. From the moment we met each other we knew that we would end up together. Not because of some great love at first sight moment, but because the other had unintentionally told us so. You told me when you told me my name, and I told you when you found out you were the River Song that I loved so very much. We never figured out we loved each other, we just did. We never decided we wanted each other we just did. I never got my opportunity to court you, we just flirted with each other until the flirting wasn't enough for us."

The Doctor stood up and held a hand out to help River to her feet. Once River was standing and warily looking at the Doctor, the Doctor smiled shyly at her. "River Song, I have seen you across the room and I have thought to myself, someone so absolutely lovely on the outside, must also be on the inside. It would mean the world to me if you would allow me to take you out on a date."

River stood there, staring at the Doctor for a moment, not sure if the Doctor was serious or not. The blush on the Doctor's face when she said "Please" told her it was a real request for a date.

"I...well...you see." River closed her eyes in an effort to gather herself. One date, one date to see if they could get it back together. One little inconsequential date. "Yes." She said it quickly so she wouldn't back out of it.

The Doctor smiled a crooked grin. "Wonderful, I will pick you up outside of your room in two hours?"

"My room?"

The Doctor placed a hand over her heart, with an excessively shocked look on her face. "My dear lady, I would not presume to sleep in the same bed with the woman I am courting. My things will be moved into another room, until such time as the lady wishes me return." This time, the cocky smirk on the Doctor's face was almost too much to handle.

River smiled that River smile, "I hate you".

"No you don't." The Doctor gave a sweet smile, her hair partially covering her face in shyness. "So, two hours then? Dress comfortably, with shoes made for running."

"Two hours." River turned and went back to their room. She noticed as soon as she walked in that the Doctor's things were missing. Even the 2nd closet that had been full of the Doctor's clothes was completely empty. The TARDIS must have already heard the request and moved all of the Doctor's things.

River quickly got to work opening her closet door and looking at the offerings. "Something comfortable I can run in...this should work." River pulled out her favorite outfit. Something she would feel comfortable and more like herself in. The long sleeveless tan shirt with thick black tights underneath and good boots. A nice thick belt thrown around her waist to bring it all together.

She looked quickly in the mirror to see how it felt and smiled. It had been a long time since she had really seen herself. Let alone seen herself so much like herself. This truly felt like home. She set to hair and make up and the time passed quickly. So quickly she didn't anticipate the knock at the door.


	3. Chapter 3

The Doctor hadn't changed clothing, but had pulled her messy curls back into something more manageable. Her hair was so long it went down to her waist. The Doctor smiled brightly when River opened the door and held out an arm for her to take. "Shall we River?"

"We shall, Doctor."

River found that they had already landed on the side of a mountain on the planet of the moons. This planet had the most moons of any world in the universe. It was brighter at night than during the day, though the light was the beautiful soft blue like the Earth's moon put off. The world had only two suns, but both of those suns lit up the countless moons every night.

It was no wonder the Doctor had told her to wear comfortable clothing. The planet for the most part was quiet but there was a small nomadic species living here. It was so small because they fought and killed each other so much over the smallest of issues. They seemed incapable of compromise and peace. It was possible that they would have to run from the nomadic people should they show up.

"I scanned the planet before we came out here, there shouldn't be anyone around. They all seem to be congregating in different places in ones and twos, far from here. I was thinking we could hike up to a large plateau above here. From there you can see the moons even better." She turned and smiled at River, hoping River would be enjoying herself. River smiled back nervously but walked alongside her without hesitation.

The hike didn't take long, and was done in silence. Once they reached the plateau the Doctor sonic'd the area to ensure that they were the only living creatures around and produced a blanket from a pack on her back and spread it out. She laid down off to the side and beckoned River to come lay beside her. "I just want to watch the sky. Nothing scary," she said when River hesitated. River laid down beside her but not touching and sighed.

"I suppose I should have thought of brilliant topics of discussion for us, but I was more worried about taking you somewhere you would enjoy. I know how you love to see things like this." The doctor never took her eyes off the sky, hoping that with at least a little privacy, River and her could talk more openly, and without ranting. "What are you feeling at this moment, River?"

River sighed and glanced at the Doctor. She looked back at the sky when she realized the Doctor wasn't looking at her, trying to read her face for the answers. She took the Doctor's hand in hers and started playing with her fingers, something to distract her from thinking about her answer. "I feel younger than my years. I feel like a confused teenager. Unsure of what I want, of who I am. Unsure of my feelings, of what my heart is trying to tell me. It's like it's inside of me screaming, trying to tell me something so important, but I've gone deaf. I feel cut off, detached from you. I know that is a feeling of my own doing, but I don't know how to reconnect. I'm afraid of any intimacy we share, and I'm afraid we won't share any intimacy at all."

The Doctor squeezed River's hand, hoping to convey her understanding of River's dilemma. "Thank you, River."

"What are you feeling, Doctor? How are you feeling?"

"Over all I am feeling well. Still weaker than normal, but I will be back in fighting shape in no time. Right now I'm feeling anxious. I want everything to go well between us, but I am scared that I am losing my wife and I am scared that that is my fault. I'm a still a little unsure of myself in this female body, but I seem to be getting there." The Doctor squeezed River's hand again, in hopes that her admittance would not create any hard feelings.

There wasn't another word spoken as they lay there next to each other the rest of the evening. The comfortable silence they sometimes shared when they both had a lot to think on, was a helpful companion when things were as messed up as they were now.

One of the suns started to come up, finding the two of them cuddling and asleep. River's head was on the Doctor's shoulder and her hand rested on the Doctor's stomach where she bunched up the fabric of her vest in her fist. For her part, the Doctor was on her back with one hand tangled in River's hair and one over River's fist on her stomach.

The Doctor was the first to wake; she looked down on River and tried to stay as still as she could so that she wouldn't wake her. However, River seemed to sense the coming morning because she buried her face in the Doctor's neck to hide her eyes from the sun. The Doctor felt River inhale as if to smell her. She wondered if she smelled the same as she did before. If River would find her sent calming or startling, and if she did smell the same, would River have forgotten in her sleepy state, just what her Doctor looked like.

The Doctor gave a hesitant "Morning", hoping that River wouldn't be too startled.

"Mmmmm, morning Doctor", River moaned seductively, stretching her body slowly against the Doctor's side. The Doctor felt the flutter of arousal starting in her stomach, and an interesting sensation even further down. Not entirely new, but slightly different then what it would have felt like before. The Doctor was going over her body's reaction and hadn't been paying any attention to River until she realized that her side was colder than it had been.

She looked up to see River sitting straight up giving her a worried look. "River, there is no need to be afraid of me, I won't hurt you. I am still your friend, even if you can't offer more, we can still have that."

River stood to her feet, all business, "we should really get back to the TARDIS. We have been out here for hours and we have no idea the movements of the indigenous people."

It was almost as if the people in question had heard her comment and were waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Two of them came up over the ridge trapping River and the Doctor between the ridge and a wonderful cliff much too high for either of them to jump off of. The Doctor jumped to her feet and snatched the blanket off the ground, spinning it in the air with a flourish, stopping the advance of the people coming at them.

"Hello there!" the Doctor said, removing the sonic screwdriver from her jacket pocket, hoping they would find it fascinating enough to not attack them until they were in a position to actually run. She started messing with it and talking very quickly, while moving sideways, hoping to trick them into moving away from their path. When River wasn't quick to follow her she grabbed River's hand while keeping her eyes on the people who were looking at them like a snack.

"I have this sonic screw driver here. It's really very nice if I say so myself. It won't hurt you; it's not a hurtful type of screwdriver, it's helpful type f screwdriver. We come in peace you know, just wanted to see your moons, which we did. I think we should probably leave now though, sun is up and all. It was absolutely lovely to see you. I do hope we meet again someday. However, now that my wife and I have arrived at the exit point to this lovely plateau, I think it would be a good idea if we RUN!"

The Doctor turned and started half sliding/half running down the trail with River's hand solidly in hers she didn't slow. River started to overtake her at one point pulling her along. Now that River's legs were slightly longer than hers she was going to have to work a little harder to run at a good pace. She took a deep breath and gave a final sprint, pulling ahead of River and snapping her fingers, watching the doors to the TARDIS open. They ran inside and the Doctor slammed the doors closed leaning heavily against them locking them tightly.

She looked over and River and their looks of panic only lasted a moment before they both burst out laughing. The Doctor ambled over to River with a grin on her face. "Professor Song, I sincerely appreciate that you accompanied me last evening. It was better than I had imagined. May I end this date of ours by dropping you by your door?"

River hesitated, the Doctor wanted to kiss her, their last kiss had been quite nice, but River wasn't sure if that was what she wanted. She nodded anyway letting the Doctor lead her to her door. Once they arrived they turned to face each other and River took a large breath, trying to calm her crazy nerves. "River, may I kiss you?"

River couldn't speak, she could only nod nervously. She so badly wanted to kiss the Doctor, but some part of her wasn't able give in, wasn't able to accept the Doctor was a woman. The Doctor leaned in and placed a gentle and chaste kiss on her lips, lingering for only a moment before leaning back and smiling.

"May I see you again, River?"

River still wasn't able to speak, she only nodded her head yes.

"Wonderful! I will pick you up in 12 hours time. I think tonight will be a night for dress up, for gorgeous ball gowns and tuxes. What do you think River?"

From the comfort of the room she had shared with her Doctor she was able to feel a little more confident about what she was doing with the Doctor now. She smiled flirtatiously at the Doctor and said "I hope you don't expect me to wear the tux. This body should be shown off."

The Doctor smirked, "I wouldn't dream of it my dear, I wouldn't dream of it." She walked away with a lighter step, looking forward to the evening.


	4. Chapter 4

Her gown was simple, yet it did so much for her. Plain and black strapless it hugged her tightly all the way down to her hips where it flowed gently down her her feet. On her feet were red stilettos that could take your eye out. Ruby red lips and smokey eyes looked at her from out of the mirror as she primped her hair into a big wild mess. A recently mussed due to recent vigorous activities look sure to drive the Doctor wild.

She smirked at herself, the confidence that had been lost to her seemed to come back in spades, her whole body seemed to be getting right back into the groove quite easily. She looked around her room surveying her work and hoping she could lure the Doctor here later and seduce her.

Taking one last look in the mirror, and ensuring her breasts were in the proper perky position she waited for the Doctor's knock. It would be any moment now and she wanted to make sure the Doctor didn't see inside the room until they returned.

As soon as she heard the first rap of knuckles she yanked the door open stepped out and closed it quickly behind her. She hadn't even gotten a chance to glance at the Doctor she was so quick to ensure the Doctor didn't see into the room. As soon as she straightened up to look at the Doctor she gasped.

She supposed she should have expected it, but she hadn't, and even though the Doctor looked quite wonderful, something about the well fitted black tux felt off to River. She felt as if something wasn't right, but she also felt that something was very right with it. Her red hair was pulled back in a tight neat bun, finishing off the ensemble.

River took the whole Doctor in and immediately noticed two things. First, even with stilettos the Doctor was about the same height as her, even though she was shorter normally, and the Doctor was missing two obvious protrusions on her chest.

The Doctor had only guessed right about the height, she smiled and lifted a pant leg. "Heals and lifts in the shoes. I figured you would wear those smashing stilettos of yours and in case you haven't noticed, I am already shorter than you." The Doctor smirked at River, reveling in her genius to get ahead of the problem.

"What about...?" River trailed off, unsure if she should even ask. She simply put her hand in the middle of the Doctor's back and asked "Shall we?" She could feel the wrap under the jacket and shirt, the Doctor was trying to make herself look like a man. For the sake of River or for her own sake, though? River supposed it could be for both.

The Doctor held out her arm for River to take and led them out of the TARDIS. The planet they were on was not at all unique, it was like many other planets. The restaurant they were going to was famous, the Doctor had to pull a few strings to get in last minute, but she was the Doctor after all.

Tonight wasn't about impressive places with impressive views, tonight was about them reconnecting. Tonight was about romance. The restaurant was set back away from the city it resided in. You didn't sit in doors because this planet really lacked any real weather. The tables sat outside under large trees that covered the place in the day from the hot suns, and provided lighting in the night.

All the trees on this planet were home to little bugs that were alight. Almost like fireflies, but their whole bodies were lit up. They gave the restaurant a warm inviting glow. There was a nice dance floor with a live band that a few couples were slow dancing on as River and Doctor were shown to their table. The Doctor ordered for them both immediately and sent the waiter away turning back to River.

She smiled a gentle smile and took River's hand. "You look lovely this evening. I don't believe I got the chance to tell you so. I am truly sorry for not taking a moment to do so. You are looking extremely smashing in that dress River. As if its possible I think your hair may even be more beautiful than before."

River smirked at that last compliment. Oh yes, the Doctor would love her mussed hair-do. It was always the Doctor's favorite look. Right out of bed after vigorous love making. "Thank you Doctor, you are looking incredibly handsome if I do say so myself." She smiled coyly at the Doctor, "and you know I do."

The Doctor gulped, giving away her nerves, which put River at ease, knowing she wasn't the only nervous person at this table this evening. A waiter arrived before anything further could be said and poured them wine. He set the bottle into a bucket next to the table and left without a word.

The Doctor watched with rapt attention as River swished the wine around in the glass then brought it to her nose. Eyes shut, she inhaled slowly, savoring the smell, then ever so gently tipped a taste onto her tongue. A slightly audible moan was heard as River experienced the wine for the first time. "Doctor, I don't know where this wine came from but it is divine."

"I'm glad you like it. I thought that you might." The Doctor smiled at her and they continued chatting about the wine and wine in general until their food arrived. That kept them quiet for a few minutes before the Doctor started telling her about some adventures she had prior to getting River from the library. River for her part told stories of things she did not experience with the Doctor. The spoke briefly of Amy and Rory, sharing a small toast and brief moment of sadness for the tow.

However, most of the meal was spent talking about themselves almost as if they hadn't met before. As if this were a first date. River loved it, she almost forgot, if for only a moment, that this Doctor was not at all what she pictured in her mind.

Once dinner was finished and the conversation began to wind down the Doctor stood to her feet and held out a hand to River, "Would you dance with me River?"

River stood to her feet, only slightly tipsy and more than happy to oblige. They danced very close together, body to body. They let the intimacy wash over them as the slow tune being played lead them across the floor. River inhaled, smelling that same familiar smell. The smell of home. Her hand trailed down from where it had been resting on the Doctor's neck, meaning to pull her closer, when she felt the wrap under her fingers again. "Doctor?"

The Doctor was lost in the moment and almost didn't realize River was speaking to her, "Hmm?"

"Doctor, why are you wearing this ridiculous wrap around your chest?" The fingers positioned over the wrap gripped into her back, as if to confirm what she was speaking of.

River felt the Doctor stiffen quickly and then relax again. "Many reasons, but the most important being that this suit would not fit properly without it." The Doctor pulled back so she could see into River's face and smiled sweetly at her.

River didn't say another word about it. She just decided she would take it off of the Doctor when she got her back to the TARDIS.

The danced some more, chatted some more, shared a small desert, and enjoyed the rest of their evening without incident. They made their way into the TARDIS and to River's bedroom door still laughing at some silly joke that the Doctor had told.

Once the laughing died down the energy in the hallway changed to a nervous sexual tension between the two. They kept trying to start talking only to stop when they realized the other was talking. Finally the Doctor silently indicated for River to talk first.

"Doctor, I'm not sure I'm ready for this wonderful night to end. I would love it if you would come in for another drink, and maybe some dancing?" River smirked at the Doctor, locking eyes with her, hoping her meaning was conveyed properly.

The Doctor didn't say a word, she put both hands on either side of River's face and pulled her in for a gentle but thorough kiss. The Doctor backed away smiling. "River, I really would love nothing more than to walk in their with you right now, but I worry you aren't as ready as you think you are." River went to protest and the Doctor stopped her, "What happens when I remove my shoes and I am shorter than you again? What happens when I remove my wrap and my chest is womanly again. What happens when you remove all of my clothing and the body underneath is not a man's body?

River, you aren't ready, and frankly neither am I. I am very frightened. I have no idea how to make love as a woman. I do really hope some day that we can explore that together, but I don't think this is the day."

The Doctor looked in River's shimmering eyes, she didn't want River to cry, but there was nothing she could do, this wasn't the right time for them. "I hope that you will allow me to take you out again tomorrow?"

River silently nodded her head, "Good, we will talk about what we should do over breakfast tomorrow shall we?"

River nodded again, leaned in and gave the Doctor a chaste peck on the cheek and quickly went into her room and shut the door. Her back hit the door only moments after it shut and she let out the sob she had been holding back. The Doctor was right, she wasn't ready, she couldn't do this. She knew what she had to do.

She needed to leave.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

River changed her clothes, packed a small bag and grabbed her vortex manipulator from the bedside table. She wrote quick note the Doctor, placed it on the Doctor's bedroom door. With a deep breath and few presses of buttons on her vortex manipulator, River was gone.

The next morning the Doctor woke slowly, smiling with memories of the evening before. River had invited her inside, and even though the Doctor had to decline she knew River would understand. She got out of bed, intent on filling her stomach with something delicious and discussing a date with River. She was thinking about staying in, she would cook, they would maybe watch a star being born.

She smiled at the thought when she opened her bedroom door. She immediately saw the note on the door and pulled it off.

Hello Sweetie,

There are things I need to deal with now. When I am back we will go on that third date, but this couldn't wait. I will be home soon, don't get into too much trouble while I am gone.

All My Love,

River

The Doctor sunk down in the doorway and re-read the letter. Then she read it again. There was no telling how long she had sat there, or how many times she had read the letter.

After the Doctor was able to gather herself back together she tried to make life go on as it once had before. She tried to ignore the fact that River was missing. Day after day, week after week. Time was a funny thing. You could leave for a million years, and show back up a moment after you left when you had the ability to time travel. River was choosing not to come back. River was choosing to stay away from her.

It took only three weeks of River being missing before the Doctor started actively looking for her. She knew it would lead to complications, finding River at all the wrong times, but she had to look for her, she had to find her. What if River was in trouble and she was waiting for the Doctor to come rescue her, only the Doctor was too stubborn to realize?

She never ran into a River who didn't know who she was. Thank goodness too, that may have caused more of a problem than she wanted to think about. All of them knew when she was in her time line and none would give away even the slightest hint of a spoiler. They all flirted with her though, which made the Doctor feel a little better.

The fourth River she found was the one who would change it all for her. Jumping off the singing towers, who even knows why she was up there in the first place, she jumped right into the pool. She came out drying off, jibber jabbering away about the first time the Doctor took her there when she stopped short and just stared at the Doctor.

"Oh...oh my, the Doctor told me it would be soon, but I didn't realize you would be the one to rescue me." River smiled warmly at her and hugged her close.

"River, I am the Doctor."

River gave her a final pat on the back before releasing her. "I am future River, not your River. We should go to your study, there is a lot we need to talk about."

"How much could we possibly have to talk about? Spoilers and all. You shouldn't be here. You need to go back to your Doctor, in your time."

River smiled her River smile. The smile that said she knew more than the Doctor. "Follow me Doctor." She turned on her heal and started walking in the direction of the Doctor's study.

The Doctor watched her walk for moment, caught up in thought about her backside, when River turned into a corridor and wasn't visible anymore. The Doctor ran to catch up to her, not wanting her to get into any trouble. As if River could do anything other than get into trouble.

They entered into the study and took seats facing each other. The Doctor was wary of anything River had to say. She could give away something the Doctor wasn't supposed to know and that could change a fixed point in history. It wouldn't be the first time she had tried to do that. It had taken a whole lot of work to fix it. And one amazing kiss.

The Doctor smirked at the thought of that kiss until River caught her attention by clearing her throat. "I don't know what delicious thing that is causing that face, but we need to talk Tesla."

The Doctor grimaced at the sound of her name.

"I know you don't like it but you need to think about it. Do you remember when you told me you didn't like it, why you didn't like it? You didn't like it because it could be a name for a man or a woman. Why couldn't you be given a proper manly name? Doctor, maybe this is why, maybe this was always meant to be. Maybe, just maybe, you are different and this isn't a freak accident."

The Doctor glanced up, unsure and scared she started worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.

River leaned over and put her hand on the Doctor's knee, "Doctor you and your version of River aren't connecting because you two don't know yourselves yet, let alone getting to know each other. She has been through trauma, you have been through trauma. You need to learn who you are in this body, because you keep trying to hide who you are, you keep trying to be a man again. Doctor, I don't know if you have looked in a mirror lately but you are far from a man.

"I think its time you get in touch with your feminine side." River smirked at her, "don't be afraid to be a woman."

"River, I am so afraid. Please just tell me I don't lose you. I don't think I could bare losing you." The Doctor was on her feet and River's arms before she could stop herself. She couldn't imagine losing River.

River stroked her head in almost familiar way, easing the Doctor's fears. "Spoilers sweetie, but I will tell you this. She is with my Doctor right now, having a very similar conversation. How else would we both know what to say to the two of you? Have faith, keep going out on dates and keep getting to know yourself. Experiment and keep an open mind."

River backed away from the Doctor's embrace and gave her a sweet smile. "Now Doctor, your River will be back soon, so I must leave, you don't have to find her, she will come here." River frowned slightly and put both of her hands on the Doctor's shoulders. "Don't be too hard on her, it was just very overwhelming, everything." A tear slipped out of the corner of River's eye, she tugged the Doctor back into her arms and whispered, "I'm sorry, I really am."

River backed away and turned around quickly. "Doctor I really must go, give me all my love." River turned quickly, winked at the Doctor and was gone in a flash.

The Doctor sat back down in her chair to examine everything River had said, she had so much to think about and if her own River was going to be back soon, she needed to take this time for herself.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

This wasn't what River intended when she came into this bar, but she was drunk enough to let it happen. She had been drinking anything she could get her hands on since she left the Doctor. She quietly huffed to herself and threw back her last shot, eying the woman who had just propositioned her.

As she took down the last of the fiery liquid she hopped off her bar stool and leaned over to the woman who would be her bed fellow for the night. "My place or yours?" she breathed seductively into her ear.

The woman smiled, slow and sensual, and whispered "mine" into River's mouth before catching her lips in a kiss. The ride hadn't taken long enough for River to sober up any, so when they fell through the door to the woman's home it was all lips teeth and tongue as they staggered to the bed.

Clothing flew all over the room as they fell onto the bed, hands and skin and moans. Soon the bed was creaking, all sweating and moaning, wetness and desire. A wave was coming upon River, she couldn't stop it, she could only ride it, and as it crested a low whispered "Doctor" escaped her lips before she fell into darkness.

River woke to someone drawing circles on her bare back. She snuggled down into the pillow smiling, "Mmmm, Doctor, that feels nice."

"That's the second time you have called me Doctor, if you had wanted to roll play all you had to do was say so."

River's head spun around and she took in the woman lying in bed next to her. The memories of the night before came flooding back to her as well as the hangover that had been building. The woman in bed next to her saw the look on River's face and pointed her to the bathroom where River emptied the meager contents of her stomach. When she came back in, wrapped in a towel she had found, she looked at the other woman sheepishly. "I don't believe I know your name."

The woman smirked at her and pulled her shirt over her head. "I'm Amy, and you are River. I kept calling you baby in my drunken state and you told me to call you River. Interesting name, River. Is it a family name?"

River clutched the towel to her chest and sat down quickly on the bed. "I should have asked before we left last night." Amy giggled then and River shot her a sly smirk. "It's not what you think, that is my mother's name." Amy went to full belly laugh mode and told River to get dressed and come get some breakfast.

After hunting down all of her clothing and other things River made her way into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Amy sat a big glass of water in front of her along with a bottle of pain pills. River happily took the offered medicine and took down the entire glass of water. Amy sat a plate full of food in front of her and took the seat across the table from her.

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Amy said, "So you never did say, is River a family name?"

River glanced up at her, "In a way, yes." River popped more food in her mouth hoping Amy wouldn't dig too deep into that one, it wasn't a problem anymore, people knowing her name, but it was a long story, and River didn't know this woman.

Amy contemplated her answer for a moment before deciding to let it go. "So, who is your Doctor friend?"

River choked on the food she was swallowing and looked up at Amy. "I…its complicated."

"Does it have anything to do with the fact that you wear your wedding ring on your right hand? I wish I had realized what that was last night, I wouldn't have taken you home." Amy looked at River sternly, "I'm not that sort of woman and I don't appreciate you making me into that."

River sighed and set down her fork. "You don't understand, yes, this is a wedding ring, but I'm not even sure that my marriage is valid anymore. It's complicated, very complicated."

Amy's face relaxed and her hand shot out to take River's hand. "Why don't you tell me? You don't know me, I don't know you, and we will probably never see each other again. You look like you need to talk about it, so talk to me. If it helps, this is what I do for a living, I really am a Doctor."

River blushed a deep red for calling Amy the Doctor. She closed her eyes just as a tear squeezed out when it hit her, the gravity of what she had just done, she had cheated on the person she loved more than any in the entire universe. "I can't believe I cheated. I have never been that woman. I have never done anything like this it's just…"

"Just what?" Amy gently nudged.

"Everything is wrong now. I suppose I should start from the beginning if I am going to do this properly."

"Well then, I should probably get us some tea."

The women took their tea and sat out on the sofa and watched the life go by outside of the front window. "The Doctor, that's my husband's name." River decided to get that question out of the way first. "I know it's odd, but it's his. He and I have been together since I was very young. He was always the man of my dreams. He was my intellectual equal, he was a part of me in a way I never knew a person could be."

"Due to our work we are often away from each other. I am an archeologist and a professor, he is the Doctor. It is not uncommon for us to spend long periods of time apart from one another, and when the separation gets to be too much we find each other again. Most recently we had been apart for years. It was unbearable. It was also very likely that we would never see each other again. I can't explain why that was; I can only tell you that the fact that he found me and brought me back to him was astounding.

"That was when it all went wrong though. I had spent years thinking that I would never see him again. Then here he comes, sailing in on his white horse, saving the day. We had never exchanged rings before. The moment I was back with him he pulled this ring out and asked me to be his wife again. I just got my husband back, just what I always wanted, and then bam! He's a woman." River couldn't stop the flow of tears as they leaked out of her eyes. She didn't know how she was going to explain that one to this woman sipping tea across from her but she needed to get it out. She needed to finally admit that the fact that she lost her husband the moment she got him back was hard for her. The Doctor wouldn't understand, to her, River hadn't lost anything.

"That explains a lot actually," Amy said, "Your husband is transgendered and now you have a wife."

"It's not about her gender, mostly, I mean it kind of is but…"

"Last night alone tells me that the fact that your husband is a woman isn't a horrible thing for you, you seem to enjoy the company of women." The tears slowed and River smirked at her. "No, it's not about the gender, it's about the person. You just got your husband back only to find he is a different person on the outside than you had known. River, the person you married is just that, a person. Changing the way you look, act, talk, walk, it can't change who you are on the inside, this has always been him. You have always been married to a woman in a man's body. It's hard to accept, especially after what I assume was a great trauma that was keeping you apart. So you feel as if this woman is a totally different person, but she isn't. She is the same person she has always been."

River sat there, staring at her, trying to take it all in. "River, if you want my advice, put your ring back on the correct finger, and try to spend some time with your new wife and I think you will find your old husband in there. You may never be able to accept him like this, but even if you can't, you can always be friends. At least give her a shot. If you love your Doctor as much as I believe you do, I think you will find that having a wife can be just as wonderful as having a husband. As long as that husband or wife is the Doctor."

River smiled sweetly, it was all starting to come together for her. She was just about to open her mouth to tell Amy so when she heard the sound. "She left the damn break on AGAIN!" River jumped to her feet nervously as the TARDIS materialized in Amy's front room.

Amy for her part was trying to breathe when a small red headed woman popped out and looked right at River. "Hello my dear, hope I wasn't interrupting anything." River didn't even know how to respond to the situation. The Doctor grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the TARDIS, she looked at Amy and said "Don't worry, we're married, I'm the Doctor. Forget you saw this." With that the Doctor jumped back into the TARDIS and ran over to the console to get her going again.

"How did you know where I was Doctor?" River was wary, the look on the Doctor's face was cutting her deeply; she knew why River had been in that house.

"You told me River. I admit, I probably should have waited a before coming to get you. Cooled down, but you slept with another woman while you were married to me and I can't…I can't handle it River. I need you to tell me it was a stupid joke, that you didn't actually do it."

River slipped the wedding ring onto the correct hand behind her back as she sized up the Doctor, she was older than the last time she saw her. A lot older, which meant that when she said River had told her, it was Future River that had told her.

"Sweetie, listen, I…"

"Don't you Sweetie me River." The Doctor interjected. "I am so furious, I can barely stand myself. I trusted you to be off away from me for great lengths of time and this, this is how you repay me? Not only did you sleep with someone else but you did it after you left me for weeks, alone, after just regenerating, after just getting you back." The Doctor was crying now.

"I'm supposed to be here counseling you on how to deal with this thing between us. I have to send you back there and she will not know about this until this very moment. I send you back to lie to me. I woo you, we fall back in love with each other, we go on great adventures and all this time you were a cheater. The woman who slept next to me, who I gave my heart to, was nothing more than a tramp." The Doctor's words were biting and vicious. She didn't seem to care anymore.

River understood that what she had done was wrong; she understood that this could be the end of them, but she was no tramp. "You listen to me Doctor, once again only thinking about yourself. I know what I did was wrong, there is no excuse but you are no angel either. I was fine alone in that machine, I had learned to deal with it, I had gotten over that I would never see you again because it meant you would still see me and that was what I needed to survive it. Then here you come charging in to save the day, you get me out, your last dying words you proposed to me again and then after mere moments of hope that I was getting you back you are gone again. Only this time, it's for good isn't it? Because you have regenerated, well thank you very much. Just what I wanted, to get you back only to lose you forever! No hope, none! It's all gone and for what? So you could break my heart all over again? I slept with that woman because I was drunk and I was scare and I was alone and all you can think is that it's all about you.

"I get it Doctor, I screwed up, how will you trust me again? I feel terrible, I feel like trash for doing that to you, you, the person I love more than any other in the universe. But don't you stand there pointing fingers, don't you look at me with that face like you have done nothing wrong in your life. If I had my way you would have never taken me out of that damn computer. CAL was making a perfectly good life for me and I was like a mother to her. She needs one you know!"

The Doctor flew across the room and before River could blink the Doctor was kissing her, it was mad and passionate and every emotion they were feeling was poured into that kiss. There was tongue and teeth and lips everywhere as they fought for dominance. They broke apart gulping in air, their chests heaving. Then they were back together again, locked in an angry embrace. Hair was being yanked softly, nails dug into a back, the fight for dominance was locked in a tie and neither woman would give it up. Then the Doctor backed away from her quickly until she hit the console. River made to follow her but the Doctor held up her hand to stop her.

"While I don't particularly count this as cheating, we have spouses in our own time that we have to deal with and I think it would be best if we left this for them to deal with. Plus, I need to have this same talk with my River. Do not fear, we will make it through the storm, we always do, but it will be a rocky one." The Doctor seemed lost in thought and then smirked. "River told me before she left, before she revealed where you were, that I should not hold back. I thought she was telling me you needed to hear what I had to say but I have realized, you needed to tell me the truth about your feelings. That was what this was about; we had to be angry enough at each other to be completely honest. You manipulative…"

"Genius, was the word you were about to use yes? You wouldn't dream of calling me anything else would you?" River smirked at the Doctor and walked over to the console and leaned on it next to the Doctor. "I truly am sorry for what I did Doctor, and I will spend the time between me and you proving that to you."

The Doctor gave her a sad smile, "looking back, I can see that you kept that promise. I will forgive you my River. I feel it in my heart, it's already starting to happen, but not before you leave. So know this when you leave, your Doctor will not know what has happened. Do not dwell on it. When you reach this point in your future you will have to deal with it again, so for now, forget about it and just live your life." The Doctor wiped a tear from her eye. The look of hurt on her face wasn't going anywhere anytime soon and River felt awful that it was her who had put it there. "I need to take you back now. Your Doctor will pick you exactly where River told her to. We coordinated so none of us would be together at the wrong moment."

They never said goodbye to each other. When they arrived the Doctor snapped her fingers and walked away so she wouldn't have to watch River leave. River walked out onto an abandoned road. Before she could say anything the TARDIS doors closed and it disappeared.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

River wasn't ready for her Doctor yet, she would come back to this spot in the future, but she needed time. Time to find herself, to get used to being a human again, to having freedom; and she knew exactly where to start. With a few a button pushes she vanished.

The Doctor for her part had not been sent by future to River to find her River; therefore, she was not on her way to the abandoned dirt road, but sitting in her study contemplating all that River had told her. She didn't know how long it would take River to show back up but she knew she needed to actively start living her life as she was, and not try to be who she used to be.

The Doctor landed on the planet of females and for the first time, felt like it wasn't going to be a crime against nature that she was here. There were three collective planets that worked together in this system, the planet of females, the planet of males and the co-habitation planet. This was decided by the tribunal of women who ruled over the three planets. They believed that females of all species were superior to males and therefore, banished the males to a separate planet from them. However, some species find it next to impossible to live without their opposite sex mate and therefore, they allowed the co-habitation planet. Also, females who gave birth to males but didn't want to give them up would be moved to the cohabitation planet. However, the men on the co-habitation planet were to be second class citizens with strict rules regarding their behavior.

The men of course didn't like it, but the women ruled with an iron fist. The Doctor also didn't like it and had made it very clear that what they were doing was wrong. The truth was she didn't know how to be a woman and she needed someone to teach her. Maybe she could change some minds while she was here. She parked the TARDIS and cloaked it, women were a curious bunch and she didn't need them getting curious over her Sexy.

Over the next few days the Doctor was invited in by the women of the planet. Though it was rare when a being changed from male to female, the species who could do so were celebrated when the change occurred. The Doctor used this celebration to figure herself out. She was given all different types of clothing, makeup, hairstyles. She was taught about the ins and outs of the change in her emotions. While she didn't feel more emotion as a woman than as a man, she did experience a harder time covering up her emotions. She tended to cry more when she would normally be bottling something up inside. Her emotions came out of her much more easily than they did before.

She discovered she preferred a small amount of makeup that enhanced her features instead of covering them. She preferred changing her outfit daily instead of wearing the same type of thing day after day. She was a fan of casual sun dressed, Capri pants and tank tops. She didn't mind something more formal, but she preferred to keep it low key. She wore her hair natural, her big curls cascading down her back, getting in her way. It made her feel giddy. She was a real ginger.

While on the planet she couldn't help but meet with the women of the tribunal as much as she could snag one of them away every now and again. She would question relentlessly and beg them for more humane conditions. Some of the women seemed to hear what she was saying, some didn't.

However, she had talked to one too many of them because she was called before the tribunal to answer questions regarding just how female she was. She was in the market talking to another woman who had once been a man on the difficulties of the change when each arm was grabbed and she was told she was going before the tribunal. She hauled into a large vaulted room with a large desk extending almost the entire length of the room. Besides the chairs behind the desk, which were all taken up by women, most of whom she had spoken to at some point in the last three days, there was one other chair, right in the middle of the room.

The Doctor was unceremoniously plopped down in the chair in the center of the room and the women who had grabbed her in the market stood behind her. A woman entered from a side door and started yelling for all the room to hear "Species: Time Lord. Name: Unknown. Alias: The Doctor. Gender: Under Question."

The woman then turned around and left the room. The Doctor turned her attention to the large desk and all the women who sat much higher than she did looking down on her. The one in the middle, an older stern looking women spoke, "The Doctor, I have heard of you. In all the stories I have heard, you were a man. It seems that may not have changed as much as you claim."


End file.
